Active Listening - The Real Decoder Of Messages

As I was connecting with a client this past week the question of listening came up as we were talking about her business partner and how frustrated, overwhelmed and exhausted she was from trying to find a way to “fix & repair” their relationship. She shared that she felt it was holding the company back from focusing on what they really needed to do. I had one question for my client that day. Have you tried to really listen to her? Her answer was, “no”.

Did you know that we use listening 45% of the time, which is nearly as much as we use all other forms of communication combined?

• Writing - 9%
• Reading - 16%
• Speaking - 30%
• Listening - 45%

Listening Skills - Skills you need

If this is the case, then why is listening taken for granted and the most underdeveloped skill of them all? Would it be worth learning how to begin to hone this skill and become an expert decoder of what is really being said?

Listening happens through verbal and nonverbal cues to decode, interpret & understand what someone is really trying to say. It might surprise you to learn that words are only 10% of how we actually listen? Body language & facial expression are 60% and tone of voice is 30%.

So if this is true, how do we listen to hear what someone is really trying to say? Listening is a skill that takes practice & patience like with most things you want to get good at. Here are a three ways you can practice at getting good at listening!

Give Your Full Attention

1. Be completely present
2. Make eye contact
3. Be silent & give non-verbal cues that you are listening
4. Be attentive, but relaxed
5. Capture key words they are saying to stay engaged

Connect Through Empathy

1. Try & understand what they are going through & how they are feeling
2. Let them know that this is a safe place for them to share in
3. Use phrases to show you care:

• Please tell me more
• Go on
• I'm listening
• Thank you for sharing

Be Curious & Interested

Ask questions to engage

• What concerns you the most about this situation?
• How do you feel at this time?
• What seems to be your main obstacle?
• What is something that you need at this moment?
• What is one step that you would be willing to commit to right now ?

What NOT To Do

• Be judgmental, critical, dismissive, competitive or argumentative
• Interrupt or talk over them
• Be distracted by other things, people or circumstances
• Make facial expressions that aren’t supportive
• Be thinking of your response or answer instead of listening
• Try & fix it or find a solution for them

Benefits Of Active & Intentional Listening

• Builds strong relationships
• Ensures a deeper understanding
• Helps resolve conflict
• Helps to reduce errors
• Helps you to learn & obtain information
• Creates enjoyment
• Leads to more creative ideas & productivity
• Establishes trust

I invite you to practice listening differently and see what comes from your commitment to actively listen.

You might decode the real story